Russia…I’m sorry

I need to start by apologizing to Russia, Russian people, and anyone else who may be offended by what you are about to read. My bad.

Once upon a time, a darling 3 year-old (let’s call her Cecilia) was having trouble falling asleep/staying asleep. What was keeping her up? Bad Guys and Wolves. She was worried that bad guys and wolves would come into her room at night. Her clueless mother (let’s call her Rachel) grappled at the right words to ease her fears. Where could she tell Cecilia that the bad guys and wolves resided to assure Cecilia of her safety? Trying her best, Rachel explained that there are no bad guys or wolves in Webster. They live really far away.

Cecilia: How far away?
Rachel: Really far.
Cecilia: Where do they live?
Rachel: Across a huge ocean that they cannot get across.
Cecilia: But where do they live?
Rachel: On the other side of the world.
Cecilia: But where?
Cecilia: Russia? What’s Russia?
Rachel: It is a country way on the other side of the world. Two oceans separate us from Russia plus other countries and stuff.
Cecilia: So bad guys live in Russia?
Rachel: (getting increasingly nervous she made a huge mistake)…Yep
Cecilia: And the wolves?
Rachel: They live in Russia too.

Well I’m sorry to say this worked. And from that point on if anyone were to mention bad guys or wolves to Cecilia she would explain that there was nothing to fear because they lived in Russia.

…Fast forward a couple of years and JD announces that he is going to Russia for work. When Cecilia found out, there was a lot of concern and a lot of questions. After assuring her that the bad guys and wolves live in Siberia which is not near Moscow, she felt much better.

Rachel realized she had made a terrible mistake and learned a valuable lesson: lying is bad.

Just in case JD has a run-in with the bad guys, Cecilia and Lewis offered him some advice:

You punch them in the stomach and then you kick them in the face.


Yeah you kick ’em in the face and then they’ll die…DIE DIE DIE.


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